52 Weeks of Impact

One of my favorite books was introduced to me a few years ago by Nils. The book is “Momo,” by Michael Ende (better known for his “The Neverending Story”). Momo is the inspiration for this week’s Impact Effort:

… what Momo was better at than anyone else was listening.

Anyone can listen, you may say — what’s so special about that? — but you’d be wrong. Very few people  know how to listen properly, and Momo’s way of listening was quite unique.

She listened in a way that made slow-witted people have flashes of inspiration. It wasn’t that she actually said anything or asked questions that put such ideas into their heads. She simply sat there and listened with the upmost attention and sympathy, fixing them with her big, dark eyes, and they suddenly became aware of ideas whose existence they had never suspected.

Momo could listen in such a way that worried and indecisive people knew their own minds from one moment to the next, or shy people felt suddenly confident and at ease, or down-hearted people felt happy and hopeful. And if someone felt that his life had been an utter failure, and that he himself was only one among millions of wholly unimportant people who could be replaced as easily as broken windowpanes, he would go and pour out his heart to Momo. And, even as he spoke, he would come to realize by some mysterious means that he was absolutely wrong: that there was only one person like himself in the whole world, and that, consequently, he mattered to the world in his own particular way.

Such was Momo’s talent for listening.

The Week’s Impact Effort

This week’s Impact Effort is simple to state: Listen. This week’s Impact Effort, we imagine, is not quite as simple to achieve.

Many people seem to have lost (or perhaps never had) Momo’s talent for listening. Have you ever  been talking with someone and, before you finish your sentence, they interrupt to share their own thoughts or finish yours? Or, you’re in the middle of a sentence and their attention is pulled away by someone passing by, their cell phone ringing or their watch. Surely you’ve watched someone nod and respond “uh huh” while knowing that they’re not hearing a word you’re saying. Or you may spend a lunch hour with someone and realize they spoke the entire time and never let you talk about yourself. And, cummon, admit it, you’ve been on the other side as well — interrupting, finishing sentences, distracted.

How does it make you feel when people do these things? Unheard? Unimportant? How does that leave you feeling toward that other person? “She’s selfish,” “He’s too busy to listen to me,” “She thinks she’s better than I am,” “He’s a narcissist.”

Conversely, how do you feel when you’ve been truly listened to? It’s a wonderful feeling to have “a voice,” to be heard, and be validated, isn’t it? That wonderful feeling is the Impact we hope to make this week. Please help us to make an even greater Impact and give it a go yourself!

What to Turn Off

In order to truly listen, we need to turn off the “chatter” in our own heads and get ourselves out of the way. We need to turn ourselves Off. Sometimes we create so much “noise” in ourselves (our own opinions, judgments, beliefs) that we can’t hear beyond. Some of the chatter might include:

• “You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know.”
• “You’re so stupid/below me/above me, I can’t concentrate on what you’re saying.”
• “What you’re saying is stupid/I disagree. I’m not going to listen anymore.”
• “I don’t have time for this. Get to the point.”
• “I know what you’re going to say, lemme finish this sentence for you.”
• “Hurry up and finish talking, because I have something more interesting to say that will impress you!”
• “I’ve got my own issues going on. I don’t have time for yours, too.”

What to Turn On

To truly listen, we must listen not only with our ears, but also with our body and our feelings (some may say, with our “heart”). Listen with empathy:

• “I’m here and listening to all you have to say. This conversation is all about YOU.”
• “I’m trying to hear what you’re not saying and understand.”
• “I want you to get what you want out of this conversation.”
• “At this moment, your story is the only story that exists.”
• “I want to see with your eyes, hear with your ears and feel with your heart.”
• “I want to listen to your beliefs, recommendations and opinions. They are valid for you and worth listening to.”

To be truly, deeply listened to, is an empowering experience. What greater gift and Impact can we offer to others?

If You Can’t Go There

If you just can’t go there, and can’t let someone else steal the limelight, consider the psychological studies made over the decades. Staged experiments have shown that people who listen and ask questions (without talking about themselves at all) are viewed very highly by the speaker. They are even said to be very interesting people though they revealed nothing about themselves, their beliefs or their opinions. So, keep in mind, making a conversation all about the other person could give you all the honor, respect and love you might be seeking by spending all that time talking about yourself.

Small Steps Challenge

I don’t expect that we’ll be able to become Momo immediately on a full-time basis. But we’re going to do our best to listen with ears, eyes and heart to as many people as we can.

Our challenge:  Tomorrow, try to “fully listen” to the first person you have a conversation with! And, we’d love to hear from you! And the next day …